The following forty-six websites were all observed to blocked by the nanny filter on the network at Panera Bread late in the afternoon of 23 January 2004.

I got the list of URLs to try by loading in the contents of my own RSS aggregator, as well as the blogrolls from instapundit.com, dailykos.com, and atrios.blogspot.com.

There seems to be a slight anti-conservative bias in the list, but this could be due to nothing more than the fact that Glenn Reynolds — widely considered ‘conservative’ — has approximately one zillion sites on his blogroll, and that the filter blocks websites related to ‘weapons’. Certainly there are also a bunch of lefty sites that are also blocked for no real discernable reason.

For each site that seems to be improperly blocked, I’ve stuck in a short quote that should serve to illustrate what the site is like.

Many of the sites branded as “adult/mature content” — as Tinotopia once was — probably got that way by using four-letter words once in a while. The question then is: why is Panera protecting its customers from this? I can understand them not wanting people looking at farmsluts.com in there, as it might put other customers off their feed. But political weblogs? I think the problem is that the main market for the nanny filter consists of schools: and so when you use the network at Panera, you are assumed to have the intellect and sensitivities of a child.

http://charlesmurtaugh.blogspot.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Quote: “But getting back to Verghese’s larger point, I’m filing his article away in the corner of my brain (my mind?) devoted to the lonely fight in favor of de facto dualism. Yes, yes, I know that the brain is the seat of the mind, I remain committed to scientific materialism, but I’ve never been completely comfortable with the idea that the mind and body are of the same substance. The problem is in the term “substance,” of course, since again I am obliged to concede that the molecules of the brain are not different from those of the body.”

http://doctor-horsefeathers.com/: Pornography

Quote: “When Galileo, using the scientific method of observation, argued in favor of the heliocentric theory, Church scholars indignantly demanded he recant. A leader among them was Cardinal Bellarmin. “…He was earnest, sincere, and learned, but insisted on making science conform to Scripture. The weapons which men of Bellarmin’s stamp used were purely theological. They held up before the world the dreadful consequences which must result to Christian theology were the heavenly bodies proved to revolve about the Sun and not about the Earth. Their most tremendous dogmatic engine was the statement that “his pretended discovery vitiates the whole Christian plan of salvation.” Father Lecazre declared “it casts suspicion on the doctrine of the incarnation.” Others declared, “It upsets the whole basis of theology. If the Earth is a planet, and only one among several planets, it can not be that any such great things have been done specially for it as the Christian doctrine teaches. If there are other planets, since God makes nothing in vain, they must be inhabited; but how can their inhabitants be descended from Adam? How can they trace back their origin to Noah’s ark? How can they have been redeemed by the Saviour?” Nor was this argument confined to the theologians of the Roman Church…”

http://hereticalideas.com/: Pornography

Quote: “Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
- Ambrose Bierce”

http://seanbaby.com/: Pornography

Probably justified

http://tres_producers.blogspot.com/: Pornography

This site is essentially defunct since 2002, but it formerly offered ’ Thoughts on culture, politics, music and stuff by Eric Olsen, Marty Thau and Mike Crooker, who are among other things, producers.’ Or, among other things, pornographers.

http://www.coldfury.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Of course, he was a bit of a fool for saying as much as he did. It is never safe to speak truth to power, as Thomas à Becket and Thomas More found out (not to mention a host of others not named Thomas). Those who assert otherwise speak truth only accidentally, and then not to powers of the like of the English Henrys, let alone worse tyrants; they yammer only at those who feel constrained by the laws of God and/or man. Summers forgot, or did not know this, and he suffers and, in all probability, will continue to suffer for it.

http://www.cyberessays.com/: Illegal Skills/Questionable Skills

Cyber Essays offers ‘free, high-quality term papers, essays, and reports on all subjects’. Not exactly legitimate, but I don’t understand what’s Panera’s interest in blocking something like this.

http://www.dailypundit.com/: Weapons

Except for a link — admittedly at the top of the front page — to a place selling ‘dirt cheap ammo’, there doesn’t seem to be anything there about weapons. So, I suppose the lesson is: if you don’t want to be blocked by SonicWALL, don’t even accept advertising for certain perfectly legal products.

http://www.dailytopless.com/: Adult/Mature Content

The name is an accurate description of the photos to be found here. It is a bit of a mystery why so many sites are labelled ‘pornography’, while this one is merely ‘adult/mature’.

http://www.darkperfection.com/: Pornography

“The fetish scene exposed” — okay, it’s porn.

http://www.fark.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Fark is ‘mature’? I suppose that’s accurate, if only in the euphemistic sense of ‘mature’ meaning ‘immature’.

http://www.forvideo.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Run by the Video Software Dealers’ Association, a trade group for video sales and rental companies. The site is totally innocuous, and there’s no reason to believe it’s ever been anything but.

http://www.fuckedcompany.com/: Adult/Mature Content

I suppose this is ‘mature’ content, as the site consists mainly of people complaining about their employers and their investments.

http://www.gutrumbles.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Probably accurate. This is an occasionally entertaining site run by an incredibly profane bigoted cracker.

http://www.highclearing.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Quote: “Life Imitates Art - In Jorge Luis Borges’ classic story, “Tlöaut;n, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius,” the contents of a century-old fiction start replacing those of our reality.”

http://www.ismckenzie.com/: Pornography

Utterly baffling. The site is about personal productivity, customer service, and the subtle spirituality of some guy in Edmonton.

http://www.janesguide.com/: Pornography

Fully Jane’s Net Sex Guide.

http://www.jscript.dk/: Adult/Mature Content

The site is about computer security.

http://www.kalyr.com/: Weapons

“This is a site devoted to some of my diverse interests, from RPGs to trains to 1970s dinosaur rock bands. It started off as a means of teaching myself HTML, but then sort of growed, much like any computer project is likely to do.”

http://www.kimdutoit.com/: Weapons

There’s definitely a lot of ‘weapons’ here. The question is: why is it so important to prevent anyone getting at information about ‘weapons’?

http://www.oraculations.blogspot.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Quote: “Buy stock? Oh no! A powerful person (or people)simply takes 10% of the stock and agrees to pay for the stock when the accrued dividends match the stock price at time of “purchase”; in addition he gets a seat on the board of directors PLUS a salary. In exchange, the business won’t have tariff problems, labor problems, or any problems. Judges take money from both sides and routinely rule in favor of the biggest bribe (he keeps both bribes); hospitals have two sections, one for the people who have paid a bribe and one for those who have not.” Adult content, ladies and gentlemen.

http://www.punchbaby.com/: Adult/Mature Content

There’s a link to a video of a wet-T-shirt contest on the front page, so the rating is probably accurate.

http://www.scalzi.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Quote from the about page: “At the moment (November 2004), I primarily write books: by the end of 2004 I will have five books in the stores. These books are The Rough Guide to Money Online (2000), The Rough Guide to the Universe (2003), Book of the Dumb (2003), Book of the Dumb 2 (2004) and my first published novel, Old Man’s War (2005 release date, but out late 2004). In addition to these books, I have three books currently in the pipeline: The Rough Guide to Science Fiction Film (mid-2005), The Ghost Brigades, which is a sequel to Old Man’s War (late 2005/early 2006), and another novel, The Android’s Dream (late 2006/early 2007).”

http://www.thebitchgirls.us/: Nudism

I’m not sure what exactly is the difference between ‘nudism’ and ‘nudity’. Practitioners of what is called ‘nudism’ usually prefer ‘naturism’, I believe. There no evidence that the Bitch Girls are practitioners of either, and in any case I could find no pictures (of anything) on the website. They are pro-gun, though, with an NRA News banner on their front page.

http://www.wctu.org/: Sex Education

The Women’s Christian Temperance Union is too racy for Panera. You read it here first. I cannot find anything on the site about sex education.

http://www.yuppiesofzion.com/: Adult/Mature Content

From their FAQ: “We support Israel not on religious grounds, but on democratic and humanistic ones.” I looked for hard-core pictures of Golda Meir, thinking that this must justify the rating, but I could find nothing.

http://zonitics.blogspot.com/: Pornography

Pornography: “The partisans over at Democratic Underground believe that a massive conspiracy involving untold hundreds of computer programmers and operators is the real reason that President Bush won reelection. Their proof? Exit polls in computer voting states show a wider divergence than those in non-computer voting states. Or do they?”

http://webcamserver-1.pns.anl.gov/view/indexFrame.shtml: Pornography

Argonne National Laboratory, Department of Energy, United States Government. Pornography. Probably they just block anything at all with ‘webcam’ in the URL. The video won’t load for me, so I’m not sure what the camera is pointing at. Somehow I doubt that it’s government-funded Atomic Porn, though.

http://www.anomalies.net: Cult/Occult

“Over 7 GB of UFO, Time-Space, Paranormal, and Conspiracy information.” I sure am glad that Panera is protecting me against this.

http://www.leanleft.com/: Adult/Mature Content

“This inauguration is aristocratic in its arrogance and its sense of entitlement. It is undiplomatic. It is lacking in character. It is small-minded. It is, in the end, un-Christian.” Mature content indeed.

http://www.sadlyno.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Quote-heavy left-wing blog. They use a lot of quasi-foul language, but so do a lot of things that Panera lets through.

http://throwingthings.blogspot.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Quote: “Given that he’s hosting “SNL” tonight and is all-but-certain to get a Best Actor Oscar nomination Tuesday morning for “Sideways,” it seems like today is a good day to look back at the career of Paul Giamatti.”

http://suburbanguerrilla.blogspot.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Quote: “There is a certain type of man who absolutely refuses to wear hats, gloves or scarves. Under duress, he may grudgingly wear a baseball cap - something designed to shade your eyes, not keep your head warm. (Hello? Why do they call ballplayers boys of summer?)”

http://blog.browndemocrats.org/: Pornography

Brown University Democrats. Founded by John F. Kennedy, Jr., and now, apparently pronographers. Quote that’s sure to get you hot: “In reaction to the President’s inaugural speech, I just want to echo the chorus of hold him to it. There’s nothing wrong with what he said—liberty, God, freedom, and all. The problem is, his record does not match it.”

http://pansypoos-personal-rant-page.blogspot.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Quote: “friday night, i finally finished the 1903 F encyclopedia. for awhile i asked myself, A or Z, forward or back. and well, i gotta start at what people say is the beginning. and there are 3 volumns of just A. i just hope i can read them before i die.” If there were a ban category for bad spelling and punctuation, I could see that. But ‘mature’, no.

http://alicublog.blogspot.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Quote: “Lincoln’s Second Inaugural rose to poetry because its vision was poetic. It was not made so by meter and rhetorical flourishes; those followed naturally upon the ideas. To engineer grand phrases in the service of public relations, as was done for yesterday’s address, is not poetry. It is not even prose. It is propaganda writ large and in a florid hand, with an eye toward talking points and polling data, to move the speechwriters and columnists whose job is to make much of it.” What exactly does adult/mature content mean, anyway? Anything except Barney and Spongebob and so forth could be said to be ‘adult’.

http://fablog.ehrensteinland.com/: Pornography

This one might actually legitimately qualify for the ‘adult/mature’ tag, as it seems to be the ranting of a bitter man with a foul mouth. It doesn’t seem to be pornographic at all, though.

http://suckful.net: Adult/Mature Content

The large slogan at the top of the main page says ‘fuck you, I’m a pirate’, so maybe the tag is correct.

http://www.thetalkingdog.com/: Adult/Mature Content

The left-wing sites seem a lot more foul-mouthed than most of the right-wing ones, but this left-wing blog goes out of its way to remain clean: “Time marches on. Here’s the thing (for those wondering just how I was going to make this about Bush): this is not atypical. Vaunted gains in American logevity have been a tad… illusory (we remain a dismal 42nd or something in world health measures such as longevity and infant mortality and so forth). Hence, the main reason that “social security is in crisis”— the explosion in the ranks of the superannuated— is a complete and total f***ing lie.” Asterisks in original.

http://www.uppity-negro.com/: Adult/Mature Content

The ‘uppity negro’ of the title, as it happens, died in September 2004, and there’s been little posted to the site since then. Before, it was mainly left-wing political rants. Are politics ‘mature’? I thought kids — at least kids old enough to be using their laptops at Panera — were supposed to be little citizens-in-training.

http://agendabender.blogspot.com: Adult/Mature Content

Quote: “A reader’s comment to this provocative critique of the character rendering in The Polar Express led me to a fascinating piece from the LA Weekly on the science and alchemy of digitizing 35 mm film prints.”

http://www.nakedwriting.com: Pornography

There’s a fairly tame picture of two men kissing on the front page right now — you have to scroll down — but I think it’s the word ‘naked’ that got it banned. Strange that it’s considered ‘pornography’, though, as this guy does appear to actually be a ‘naturist’, and there is a ‘nudism’ category.

http://demosthenes.blogspot.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Adult, mature quote: “Whether you believe that gay marriage or the War on Terror (or both) motivated the 51%, it’s clear enough that this nonsense wasn’t what they were voting for. Nor is it necessary, as many, many people have been pointing out on the Social Security issue. We’re just seeing the beginning of the process of the demolition of the New Deal taking place. This is happening just in time for record interest rates to brutalize a population of increasingly overextended debtors, just as soon as the shoe drops on the U.S. dollar.” Lock up the kids! By this reckoning, Meet The Press should be rated NC-17.

http://www.blah3.com/graymatter/: Adult/Mature Content

Maybe The Weather Channel should be scrambled, too. Quote: “Yeah, we’re stitting here waiting for 18 to 24 inches of snow to get dumped all over us. I know some of you in other parts of the world don’t consider that much snow, but you gotta understand - if an inch of snow falls on Long Island, most of the citizenry goes into dopey bastard mode and forgets how to drive - but every single one of them simply must drive out to the store for milk, bread and eggs.”

http://thepoorman.net/: Adult/Mature Content

Just another left-wing rantblog. You know, Panera sells The New York Times and the Washington Post in plain sight, without anything covering up all the adult content on their front pages. Tsk tsk.

http://seetheforest.blogspot.com/: Adult/Mature Content

Another left-wing rantblog — this section of the list is from one of the lefty blogrolls. I wonder what they do to you if you try to read The Nation in plain sight at Panera? “Come on, buddy: move along. Go take your spank-mag elsewhere.”