The first thing that caught my eye was the use of euphemism. Then I started to think about the utter absurdity of this:

In the end, I suppose is is cheaper to think of, print, and stock little stickers that say ‘non-functional’ (these are mass-produced, not spit out of a label maker) than it is to remove these things and patch the holes. Which got me to thinking how handy these labels could be in general. You could slap ‘em on most of the products down at the CompUSA (not to mention on the sales clerks’ foreheads); you could put them on those soap dispensers in public restrooms that seem to always be empty; you could put them on drinking fountains that have such low pressure that they just dribble water all over themselves. There are a million uses for these things.

Myself, I have been meaning for some time now to print up stickers that look something like this:

I’d use them in businesses where they have double doors, but always keep one locked. Perhaps they’re waiting until the hinges wear out on the active door, whereupon they’ll lock it and switch to the locked one. Or maybe this has already happened.